Day 9: The Price of Belonging

Hello, friends.

Yesterday, my backyard was full of laughter.

A few Brazilian friends came over for the afternoon. We cooked Brazilian food, laughed until our stomachs hurt, danced, shared stories, and, of course, hugged each other countless times.

I am very grateful to have such wonderful neighbours because, believe me... eight Brazilian women together are not exactly quiet!

It was one of those afternoons that fills your heart long after everyone has gone home.

This morning, as I sat in my garden with my coffee, remembering yesterday, one question quietly came to my heart.

Why do we work so hard to fit in?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there is nothing wrong with wanting to belong.

Belonging is one of our deepest human needs. We want to feel accepted, connected, loved, and part of something. We were never meant to walk through life completely alone.

The problem begins when, in trying to belong, we slowly abandon parts of who we truly are.

I remember arriving in Canada in 2009.

Like many newcomers, I wanted to fit into this beautiful new country. Without even realizing it, I started to change. I became quieter. I stopped hugging everyone.

I became much more aware of personal space. (I am not even sure we have those words in the Brazilian vocabulary!!! Hahaha.)

The interesting part is that no one had ever asked me to change. I quietly made that decision myself.

A few years later, I returned to Brazil to visit my family. The first thing my best friend said when she saw me was,

“Who are you? What happened to my friend?”

Her words stayed with me because she was right. Somewhere along the way... I had left little pieces of myself behind.

That memory brought another one to my heart.

Music has always been part of our home. My husband is an incredibly talented musician, and our son inherited that same beautiful gift.

He fell in love with the violin when he was only four years old.

Throughout his elementary school years, he proudly took his violin to school and played during recess.

Teachers would stop me in the hallways to tell me how beautifully he played. Parents would tell me their children had started learning music because they had heard my son playing.

Until one day, in Grade 5...

A popular student looked at him and said,

“Do you know that only babies play the violin?”

My son never touched his violin again.

That day, he did not only put his violin away.

He quietly put away a little piece of himself.

As a mother, it broke my heart. I cannot even imagine what happened inside his head and his heart in that moment.

Writing this memory today made me wonder...

Is that not what so many of us have done?

Maybe it was not a violin. Maybe it was our laugh, our dreams, our accent, our creativity, our faith, our sensitivity, our kindness, our culture, or simply the way we naturally express joy.

Somewhere along the way, we learned that a part of us was “too much,” “not cool enough,” “different,” or somehow did not belong.

So we quietly put it away.

As I remembered yesterday's gathering, I smiled.

Eight women laughing, dancing, hugging, speaking Portuguese—sometimes all at the same time!

Nobody was trying to impress anyone. Nobody needed to become quieter, smaller, or different.

We belonged because we were free to be ourselves.

Belonging was never supposed to cost us pieces of ourselves.

Maybe the journey is not about becoming someone else so that we can finally fit in.

What if it is about gently bringing those forgotten pieces home—and giving ourselves permission to be fully who we are?

🌿 Before We Meet Again Tomorrow...

Today...

Take a quiet moment to think about yourself.

Is there a part of you that has been waiting to come back?

Maybe it is your laugh, your creativity, your dreams, your kindness, your voice, or something else that once made you feel wonderfully like you.

Today could be the day to welcome one small piece of yourself home again.

Because the world does not need another copy of someone else.

It needs you.

Thank you for walking this journey with me.

With love, Karem