My summer holidays are officially over. We spent this week getting our house organized for school and work, taking my children to do the last shopping before school starts, thinking about weekday dinners… This time of year can be exciting for many of us. A new beginning, new grades, new students, new goals, a new season...
But I need to be honest here. This transition between summer and fall seems to get me every year.
After feeling very emotional for three days, yesterday my husband reminded me that every year, around the end of August and beginning of September, I feel like this. Moody, irritated, emotional, and sometimes very sad for apparently no reason — at least, according to my rational brain!
The truth is,
yes, there is a reason. There is always a reason.
Summer is the time when I slow down. I put myself on the calendar. I pay more attention to my body, my feelings, and my thoughts. I would even say that it is the time when I grow the most because I am more present and connected to myself.
This summer, I even broke through some of my insecurities by writing a blog for the first time! I wrote ten deeply heartfelt reflections about my doubts, fears, worries, discoveries, and growth. About slowing down, listening to ourselves, and finding balance.
And here I am again, making myself busy and forgetting to put me on the calendar!!
Forgetting to ask what I want. Forgetting to give myself space to simply be me.
Not the worker.
Not the mother.
Not the spouse.
Not the friend.
Just me, Karem.
I truly believe our bodies give us signs when something needs our attention. Looking back, my body had been giving me signs all week. I was simply too busy to notice them. I noticed a change in my hearing, small dizzy spells appeared, and I was tired and moody — well, menopause helps too, right? 😊
I was completely freaking out, thinking, “Here I go again!”
Then something inside me said:
No! Not anymore!
I have learned this lesson!
Well... apparently learning a lesson does not mean we will never forget it! I am still a human in “growing-process mode.”
Writing this, I remembered something my friend told me yesterday...
Have you ever heard about the life cycle of a butterfly?
You will probably say, “Come on, Karem. We all know about that!”
Yes, yes... but do you know what happens to that poor caterpillar inside the chrysalis? During metamorphosis, much of its larval tissue breaks down while its adult structures develop. It goes through an enormous transformation before emerging as a butterfly.
When my friend told me this, I started laughing because my first thought was:
“It is like giving birth!”
You enter the hospital as one person and leave as a completely different one!
At least that is how it felt for me. The pain, the expectations, the new responsibilities... and that enormous question:
“Who am I now?”
And maybe the butterfly story was not so far from my story after all.
Life is constantly asking us to change. We grow, discover, hurt, love, learn, get things right, get things completely wrong... and try again.
We are, most of the time, a mess in the process of becoming something beautiful!
For a few days, I forgot to listen to myself. Maybe growth is simply noticing a little sooner when we have lost ourselves... and remembering how to come back.
So, this week, as work and school begin, schedules fill up, and all my different roles start calling my name, I am putting one more person back on my calendar.
Me.
Thank you, my dear friend Lisa, for reminding me to stop, breathe, and look inside myself. I love you very much!
And to you, my dear friends, as we move into this new season, maybe we can all leave a little space on our calendars for the person underneath all those roles.
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